Golden Arches

Alex and I are on a roadtrip to see my brother in Georgia. Left at five and by midnight we stop at a McDonald’s. The doors are locked, but being dudes we take a short wander over to the dumpster and, facing away from each other, take a piss. Of course right then, a car slowly drives by. Lul.

Friday night 40s

A week or so ago, Alex went out to 7eleven and was tasked with getting 40s for some of the guys in the house.  A short while later I get a text message “What’s a 40?” He came back with 24oz Heineken bottles.  He caught shit for this.

Tonight, several dudes came home with 40s of Olde English.  One of them, Chane, sat on the couch across from mine.  I say to him, “Hey, can I borrow that?” as I grab his bottle without waiting for a response.  He, of course, has no idea what my point is and doesn’t know how to react as I take his bottle of beer out of the room sans permission, swing around the corner and enlighten Alex.

Now Alex knows what a 40 is and I scared the crap out of a guy who thought I stole his booze.  Lul.

****BREAKING NEWS****

A metaphorical busload of people just knocked and walked through the door.  In all actuality it had to be a large SUV or 2-3 cars.  They were carrying 12 & 18 packs of beer.  They swarmed around the corner and within 2 minutes were gone.  WTF?  

Tec Support!

Early this morning (by my standards) one of the guys in the house came in with his phone.  On the other end was Pressly, Alex’s roommate who owns a MacBook.  A couple weeks ago, I had helped Pressly setup bootcamp so he could use a few C.A.D. type apps but he didn’t have his Leopard disc and, thus, couldn’t finish the setup.  On the phone he has his Leopard disc but doesn’t know exactly what he needs to do with it.  I’m less than half conscious.  If you’ve never had the opportunity to speak with a Jamaican in person then there’s no way for you to understand how entirely confused I was.  It’s nothing like Cool Runnings, those guys are Winston-Fucking Churchill compared to actual Jamaicans.  The time is roughly 11 am, I went to bed shortly after 8.  I don’t know my ass from my elbow.  This should be fun.

Over the course of an eternity that lasts about a minute, I piece together what he’s asking by making wild stabs in the dark and listening to his response, positive or negative.  My mind races like a three legged dog chasing a duck. Windows! MacBook! I heard Windows and Macbook! Ok, uh…say Parallels. Nothing.  He said Bootcamp!  Oh yeah!  We setup a Bootcamp partition!  I thought we finished.  Oh Shit! Leopard Disc!!!1! PAY DIRT!  Just boot up under Windows and pop the Leopard disc in.  That’s it?  Yup.  Good to go.  Click.

GOAL!!!!

After beating Fable: The Lost Chapters I was invited by the guys at Duffy to go play some soccer with them, there’s an indoor field a few miles away that they somehow secured for the night.  I didn’t have to pay so I didn’t ask.  Turns out I’m a crappy goal tender with a sub 50% block rate.  After twenty or so minutes, I was demoted to the sidelines and started watching the time and talking the phone.  Idle chat is not usually my thing but that was the most time I’ve [willingly] spent on the phone outside of work in almost a year, thanks Maddy. (I know you’re going to read this.)  Anyways, it’d been awhile since I did anything worth writing about so BAM!

The plan.

My court date today was adjourned until January meaning I’m ostensibly trapped here on Long Island, and since it seems like the state of New York’s case against me is built upon a single eye witness I decided to see if it were possible to discredit said witness which has proved to be stupid easy.  Erik M. Bleaman, better known as High Pitch Erik from the Howard Stern Show has a rap sheet that’ll make my defense aid cream himself:

Bleaman is currently awaiting trial for grand larceny charges in which he stole a friend’s credit card and charged over $3100 to it.

He is known for prank phone calls; one of which, a fake bomb threat, got him fired as a baggage handler at JFK international airport.

Those are just a couple things I found within the first five minutes of searching online, I’m going to try procuring his full criminal record.  Since he’s the one who called the cops, if I can discredit him and create enough reasonable doubt that it could have been anyone to have broken into the train then there’s no case against me.  After that, I go for blood by charging the State of New York and Erik Bleaman for false imprisonment, defamation of character, slander, and emotional duress.  Chances are Bleaman will already be in prison so I want part of his paycheck for a substantial amount of time after he gets out.

STEP 1: Discredit Eyewitness

STEP 2: Throw the book back

STEP 3: Profit!

Silly Republicans, Trix are for kids.

There was this chick I met in September through a shared love of the band, Sigur Rós.  When Barack Obama was elected president she changed her myspace status to “…is moving to Canada. No, but really… I’m disappointed with you USA!” to which I felt like being a cocky jackass and sent her a message “Why would you be disappointed? Obama won.”  She posted a comment on my page which I deleted as I don’t need the rant of a hate-mongering fucktard on my comment board.  Looking back I should’ve saved it in a text file because the ensuing messages got pretty darn funny.  She had already deleted me from her friends list and I’m usually game for a little bit of flaming so it’s a win/win situation at this point.  Here’s the mail I sent to her in regards to her comment, I address pretty much everything in the comment so you should get the gist of what she said:

“In the unlikely situation that Obama is assassinated and Biden becomes president, we’re still better off than McCain dying in office and Palin taking over. The country’s economy was spiraling downwards based on the policies put in place by the Bush administration and the best Obama can and will do is to put new policies into place that will stabalize the economy. It probably won’t be fixed by the end of his first term but we’re on the road to recovery now and it’s dumbasses who voted Republican this time around that need to open their eyes and see how great our nation’s potential is…just a thought.”

Now I can see how that message would piss off a few people but, being that was my intention, it struck just the right chord.  Here’s the reply, I’m literally copy-pasting, no editing or interpretation.  It’s my blog and I’ll post what I want damnit.

“You really think Obama is going to fix our economic crisis? Wow you really are a sheep… you just follow whatever everyone else thinks. 

This country was built on small business and entrepreneurship. Obama’s plan for redistribution of wealth will KILL small business forcing business owners to layoff people and they hey, guess what, more unemployment! And what happens when people are unemployed? That’s right, they don’t spend money. What happens when people don’t spend money? Depression!

Do you research before you attack. It makes you look ignorant when there’s truly no substance to your argument. 

And PS, even if McCain died in office, Palin is still better than Obama. Did you not watch the final speeches?? Obama couldn’t even string enough words together to form even just ONE complete sentence without a teleprompter. Palin gave over half of hers flawlessly without visual aid. 

I’m done talking to a sheep. Goodbye. ”

Oh boy that was fun.  Happy birthday to me!

Tree of knowledge

I decided before I left, I’m not well enough read in religion.  Today I checked out Google Maps for nearby libraries and SUCCESS! there’s one just over a mile away, the Hicksville Public Library.  It’s only open till 9pm, but hey, it’s better than nothing.  As is my custom, I wandered around a bunch until the layout became familiar and I picked up a christian bible and started, from page one.  I got about halfway through Genesis before the library closed.  The funny thing is I had some fruit in my bag and pulled out a little something to munch on for the walk home and it happenedto be an apple, lul.

Flash! Bang! POWER!!!!

DISCLAIMER: IF I AM WRONG AT ANY POINT IN HERE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!

Cliff was watching, earlier tonight, a DVD called “The Secrets.” I find this flick to be mostly self-help bullshit, “If you imagine yourself successful you will be successful,” kind’ve crap.  An interesting point that was brought up was that if a human was somehow outfitted with a power outlet, they would generate enought power to keep a city running for about a week.  Now being in a house full of engineers, and being a n3rd myself we decided to fact check this whopper of a claim.

Conversion tool: http://www.unit-conversion.info/energy.html

When I hear “city” iThink of the quintessential city, New York City, which works out well imo.  The average NYC household, between 2000 and 2005 used [annually] 4,696 kilowatt hours or 12.87 kilowatt hours per day or roughly half a kilowatt per hour.

The average human weighs roughly 165lbs and the base conversion of pounds to calories (energy) would be 3500 kcal / 1lb of fat but it can’t be too far off for the rest, making the average human having a potential energy of ~577,500 kcal or 672 kilowatt hours.  This means that if an average person suddenly blinked out of physical existance and was converted to pure electrical energy, they would generate 672 kilowatt hours; enough to power an average NYC home for 1344 hours (56 days).  In a city of over 8 million people, 672 kilowatt hours is clearly no where near the power requirements for a solid week…

Meandering about Long Island

At roughly 2:30 in the morning, I decided that no one at the party was really worth talking to so I put on my hat & coat and went to Dunkin Donuts which is less than a mile away! Bagel and a few donuts, yum. I’ve even got a bit of leftovers for breakfast, hooray! I feel almost as if I’m in the college lifestyle that many people pay so much for; I’m getting it ostensibly free. The party is pretty much dead here now at quarter after 3 but there’s still a couple lingers’, learned a lot of what Ive missed out on the past couple years and now rather glad I skipped them.

At any rate I’m kind’ve putting fingers to keys really wasted to see what turns out, and I’m going to post it out of spite to myself.

… 5. Profit!

1. Get a job at Apple.

2. Stay at Apple long enough to get a free iPhone.

3. Buy the new iPhone for $199.

4. Sell the old iPhone for $250.

5. Profit.