The Penis Mightier

Have you ever looked DESPERATELY to find your pen, even sacrificing your incredibly cozy spot on the bed only to realize in the cold that it’s behind your ear?

I just did.

On the plus side, I’m designing me and Alex the sweetest bunk beds ever.

Friday night 40s

A week or so ago, Alex went out to 7eleven and was tasked with getting 40s for some of the guys in the house.  A short while later I get a text message “What’s a 40?” He came back with 24oz Heineken bottles.  He caught shit for this.

Tonight, several dudes came home with 40s of Olde English.  One of them, Chane, sat on the couch across from mine.  I say to him, “Hey, can I borrow that?” as I grab his bottle without waiting for a response.  He, of course, has no idea what my point is and doesn’t know how to react as I take his bottle of beer out of the room sans permission, swing around the corner and enlighten Alex.

Now Alex knows what a 40 is and I scared the crap out of a guy who thought I stole his booze.  Lul.

****BREAKING NEWS****

A metaphorical busload of people just knocked and walked through the door.  In all actuality it had to be a large SUV or 2-3 cars.  They were carrying 12 & 18 packs of beer.  They swarmed around the corner and within 2 minutes were gone.  WTF?  

Exactly one month

Exactly one month ago I was standing, shoeless in a jail cell. I was sober by then and kicking my own ass; but not too hard because the cops were assuring me that I’d be walking free by noon.

One month later I celebrate by doing the exact opposite of that fateful night’s transpirings: I’m dressed in 4 layers of clothing without having a drop of the sauce in my system and fully satisfied in the tummy region. The only similarity is that I’m a little sleepy.

I decided to take a stroll in the cool 10 degree morning to return a space heater that draws too much current and flips the breaker; Target however, is not open until 8 so I went for an often missed, most important meal (at McDonald’s). The snow that still lines the streets is crunchy when I step on it. I stomp on the frozen puddles in hopes of cracking ice without the fear of falling through into an icy tomb.

Life is good.

Bone Chiller

Here I am, up at 7am. Checking my weather forecast I see that it’s 24 degrees outside. And being the inquisitive type, I must see for myself. Shoes on, I step through the wood portal. My breath stays vaporized for several seconds, the heat is ripped from my body, and a bone chilling cold rushes in. 24 degrees is really fucking cold.

Tec Support!

Early this morning (by my standards) one of the guys in the house came in with his phone.  On the other end was Pressly, Alex’s roommate who owns a MacBook.  A couple weeks ago, I had helped Pressly setup bootcamp so he could use a few C.A.D. type apps but he didn’t have his Leopard disc and, thus, couldn’t finish the setup.  On the phone he has his Leopard disc but doesn’t know exactly what he needs to do with it.  I’m less than half conscious.  If you’ve never had the opportunity to speak with a Jamaican in person then there’s no way for you to understand how entirely confused I was.  It’s nothing like Cool Runnings, those guys are Winston-Fucking Churchill compared to actual Jamaicans.  The time is roughly 11 am, I went to bed shortly after 8.  I don’t know my ass from my elbow.  This should be fun.

Over the course of an eternity that lasts about a minute, I piece together what he’s asking by making wild stabs in the dark and listening to his response, positive or negative.  My mind races like a three legged dog chasing a duck. Windows! MacBook! I heard Windows and Macbook! Ok, uh…say Parallels. Nothing.  He said Bootcamp!  Oh yeah!  We setup a Bootcamp partition!  I thought we finished.  Oh Shit! Leopard Disc!!!1! PAY DIRT!  Just boot up under Windows and pop the Leopard disc in.  That’s it?  Yup.  Good to go.  Click.

Donate, bitches

No I’m actually not talking about giving me money in this case (though you’re welcome to…) but the lifegiving substance that is blood.  There happens to be a blood drive going on at the post office around the corner from me but there’s a few people who seem to have me on an rss subscription so I’m reminding you now.  Give blood, you never know if or when you might need some.  If you’re capable and there’s a drive going on nearby, there’s no reason for you to not donate.  Doo eet!

Welcome to the world of the future.

Sometimes I think about where modern civilization would be if the greeks hadn’t been wiped out.  Their level of tech was almost 2000 years in the future.  I can hardly even imagine where human tech will be in roughly 2000 years but it’s bound to be the stuff of current sci-fi and fantasy.

Will we still be around or will we have blown ourselves to dust?

Will we have faster than light travel?

Will we have cured cancer? HIV? The common cold?

How long will the average person live?

What percentage of our brains will we use?

Is a god?

What happens after we die?  Are we really just plant food?

Are crime, poverty, and hunger things of the past?

GOAL!!!!

After beating Fable: The Lost Chapters I was invited by the guys at Duffy to go play some soccer with them, there’s an indoor field a few miles away that they somehow secured for the night.  I didn’t have to pay so I didn’t ask.  Turns out I’m a crappy goal tender with a sub 50% block rate.  After twenty or so minutes, I was demoted to the sidelines and started watching the time and talking the phone.  Idle chat is not usually my thing but that was the most time I’ve [willingly] spent on the phone outside of work in almost a year, thanks Maddy. (I know you’re going to read this.)  Anyways, it’d been awhile since I did anything worth writing about so BAM!

Air Wick automated air fresheners

They scare the crap out of me every time. The end.

Woo Hoo!

I have an average of over 10 regular readers!  Huzzah!  It’s quite possibly higher than that because I’m doing the number of blog hits divided by posts.  In the long run the average should level out but 2 months in, my reader-base is probably top heavy.

Just took an IQ test, 138.  I think I could’ve done better but hey, I’m smarter than our current president but probably don’t stack up against the next one. (Hooray Obama!)  The court date on Wednesday really fucked up my sleep schedule, I decided to not sleep the night before rather than face the possibility of oversleeping and, ya know, prison.  Now my body doesn’t know when’s when, but it won’t really matter until I have a job so I’m not worrying about it.  Besides, it’s rather nice having the living room all to myself.  I don’t have overly excited Jamaicans slamming dominoes on the table.  Nor people coming in the front door only to have it blown open right behind me.